Who out there owns a dog?

[Inmate men filter]

Gentlemen. I need every single one of you to account for the last time you were in the shower. No, I won't make fun of your sense of hygiene or lack thereof, I'm trying to discover who defiled our showers ( Read more... )

I swear, there is a quota. One out, another in. Just admit it, Admiral.

I think we should have a Roundworlder quota.

I wonder what our God quota is?

The last flood - does anyone have any idea exactly who those people were? I somehow avoided turning into the Patrician thank the gods, so it can't be the same as last time. I'm just glad I wasn't ( Read more... )

Ingrates, all of you. Fucking ingrates.

[Private to Martha]

I... gather there's been a murder, but if you've got time... an idiot vampire bit me because he's an idiot and apparently he's poisonous or something.

...I'd rather not die.

I am not... I'm not good with animals. I worked in a city at night, the most I dealt with is Ankh Morpork rats and a misplaced pigeon. I had no idea what to do with a platypusSo, um. I hope you're alright, Doctor. I've also got a question, if you don't mind, Doctor ( Read more... )

I may regret asking this, but who is still on the Barge? Isn't there normally a roll call at times like these or something similar ( Read more... )

[Warden filter]I was instructed to bring you all this proposal, after discussing... recent posts by other inmates with another warden ( Read more... )

...well, I'm glad to have my memory back, but I'm sure everyone else'll ramble about that in good time.

So I'd just like to make a few things abundantly clear:

- I do not have brain damage, for Gods' sake.
- Nor have I ever had a stroke.
- Nor am I uneducated, in fact, I got the finest education on the planet and Doctor Hix, who probably offers ( Read more... )

If I ever needed conclusive proof that 75.2% of you were completely and utterly insane; this is it. The Master is, apparently, on holiday on the top deck, half the infirmary has lost the will to be grumpy and... I don't know what'll happen next, but I can guarantee, it won't be rational.

[Private to Iago]Still got it together, my friend, or ( Read more... )

I do wonder sometimes how, in the name of the Gods, I am still here.

Why are my rulers not where I left them?

[Private to Martha Jones]

You have no idea how much I hate doing this.

I need a doctor. Again, I know. I'll come to the infirmary, but on the condition I see you, you ask no questions and do not, again, mention it to the Doctor. I ( Read more... )

DEATH! You complete... andutter bastard! Did...youhave to bring...meback here?!

[He then realises what he's done. Turns it off, and now writes:]

I didn't mean that. Well, I did. But I didn't mean to do it.

Sirrus? The Doctor? Dexter? The Rani? You're alright still here, aren't you?

This is ridiculous and unfair. doing that all againEverything ( Read more... )